The many roles of a person

I was just wondering about the eternal question 'Who am I'? 'I' am defined by my many roles with respect to society and family. In that way I am a woman,a daughter, a wife, a mother, sister, cousin, a working woman, a neighbour, a boss, a subordinate, and so on. In each of these roles others will view me in a particular way which I am unable to perceive myself which may be very important in knowing myself. My child may view me as strict parent, my parents as a dutiful daughter , my boss as a pushover etc. When I reconcile all these viewpoints, then maybe I will be able to form a self image of myself, as I truly am. Moreover at a certain point in life I have to remove all these external impressions - the various roles in which society casts me and therefore I cast myself, to truly understand myself and my motivations. Another dilemma is whether I should act on my motivations? I may be motivated to fall in love with a handsome stranger but my role as a wife and mother holds me back and prevents me from doing so. So these roles may be important in certain ways but to what limit? In my role as a working woman I am often looked down upon in the office, as it is perceived I am not serious enough about my job- taking too many leaves etc, whereas the same problem is not faced by my colleagues. At home too, I am unable to join the gossip and kitty parties of my neighbours who are housewives and I am excluded from this group due to my exalted status as a 'working woman'. I feel to truly live one must explore all the senses to the fullest and try one's hand at different things and occupations, not be boxed in by what society says one must 'be' and 'do'. After all this may be the only life I have and so I need to make the most of it & live to the fullest without hurting anyone so that at the end of the day I can say that I know myself, if only partially.

1st Jan 2014

The first day of the new year went off well. Morning we went for a walk and met Mrs N of 404, and chatted with her for a while. Seems they are coming back from J as they prefer west to the east as she said. In the morning one pigeon got stuck in the balcony net which we had strung outside. S struggled with letting it out for a long time , till at last it flew off after loosing few of its feathers and getting a terrible scare in the process. I made friedrice and chilly paneer for lunch which was quite a change from usual dal rice and vegetables. Got calls from Sidda, dada in the evening. Its raining heavily in Ld and they are really fed up of the bad weather there. Its lovely sunshine here, the weather is really gorgeous. I feel like lazing in the sunshine the whole day long. In the evening we went to Kali temple to ask for divine blessings. We were just exiting the temple after puja when a man offered us prasad- laddos. I ate a whole one and S & Sh shared one. I was really pleased as I had not taken any sweets to the temple and received the prasad there itself. Evening Sona went off to her friends place for dinner to which she alone was invited & it relly annoyed me when I called at 10.30 and she told me that she had not had dinner even then. I told her sharply to come home, so she comes down 5 mins later saying she had some rice and chicken. S went to B Tut and got all the info on admissions- its all good or half of it is.

My sketches of actors

My Sketch of Emraan Hashmi

Thin line between silent acquiescence and protest

Imagine the scenario where a person is being unfairly treated in the office. What are the options open to him. A. He can silently suffer or protest. In both cases there are pros and cons to be considered. If he keeps silent the same treatment may be meted out to him time and again. If he protests then his superiors will always have some excuse to justify their actions. So a thin tightrope walk is necessary to avoid the minefield of office politics. In other cases too there is a tradeoff in every decision we take and the credit lies in choosing one path and sincerely sticking to it no matter what. I believe that sincere actions only help in the long run and there is a gut feeling which one has to go by and not depend on sycophancy or convenience of the moment to choose an action.

Durga Puja 2013

Durga Puja 2013 has arrived. Yesterday I had my first accident (hopefully last) with my new Wagon R car, when I was coming out of the society. I had just come out of the blind turn when a young girl driving a maruti who was also turning to go out, dashed into my car. She should have stopped as I was already ahead of her and going in first gear, but she was driving at a high speed and I was horrified to see that she did not stop at all and DASH! This is what happens when you expect others to break and you don't. She denied that it was her fault at first but people collected there said it was her mistake and then she agreed to pay for the damage to my car. I took down her name and number but now I have to go through the headache of getting the car repaired/insurance etc. Every puja this sort of calamity is happening. Last year before puja, I fractured my toe, and had to suffer for 3 months before it healed. Today I took D for bhog at the pujas and driving in a sari & parking my car and then extricating it was really hassling. But I hope I am getting a grip on my driving now. But my poor car, sob sob..... I am watching two serials on TV - One is Big Boss 7 and the other is Jee Le Zara. I like DV's acting a lot in the serial. He looks very cute when he smiles, not so much when he frowns. I think orange must be his favourite colour, he wears it a lot in the serial. Sanchi's acting is also good, she was looking really pretty in the pearl set in the wedding episode. The pace of the serial is good, not like the awful ekta kapoor saas bahu serials, where they pause the story at every conflict and show the shocked expressions on the actors faces, turn by turn for about five minutes, repeating the same frame a couple of times. Boring! In Big Boss the most hateful character is Armaan Kohli and no doubt he will manage to stik around till the last. The goodies like Ratan , Apurva etc will all be eliminated. Andy is good - funny and open. Among the girls - Kamya is strong, Gauhar is too loud. I can imagine she will be a milder version of Dolly Bindra when she is older.

Mindset of bestselling authors

I often try to imagine how bestselling/famous authors mindset when they set out to write their famous books. Imagine Jane Austen, who wrote the famous novels which practically set the trend and benchmark for romantic novels, setting out to write her famous novel, say Persuasion. Do they have the skeleton of their entire plot and characters, sketched out in advance, how do they plan their chapters, insert the dialogue's and plan the situations. Because as is very evident in a great authors books everything comes together so beautifully in space and time as to make the book everlasting in the minds of most readers. I rather think it is a kind of instinctive talent, not only for words and turn of phrase, but to actually mesh the plot, to give the story a rythym and tempo, to actually be able to visualise the characters in the mind's eye which truly makes some of the books so great.

Facebook Effect

I was wondering on the effect facebook posts have on our lives. Of course it is a wonderful technology which allows us to connect with long past, long forgotton acquaintances/ friends and classmates, but also, I sometimes wonder at the jealousy and envy the posts of these long forgotten people have on our psyche. Here I was quite happy of my mundane existance, average looks and drab clothes, when I see my classmate, the same age as I am, post a totally gorgeous photograph where she looks about thirty, in a five star resort, surrounded by family too. It's enough to make me turn green with envy and take a loong doleful look at my paunchline. Did I really need this, or was I happy enough in my 'ignorance is bliss' world. I catch up with the class dunce and find out that they are far richer than I am and at higher posts. Talk of tables being turned. A thing which I find most amusing is that there is a perspective I have now of life, which was absent back then. When I was giving my class ten or twelfth exams, it was dinned in my head by my parents and by peer pressure that I had to perform well in studies, get good ranks, get into an engineering college, almost as if my life depended on it. I did have to put in 7-8 hours of study every day. I did get into engg, got a job, but hey, those that didn't did as well or more, as is evident by their facebook posts. I thought at that time that those that didn't get good grades would probably have to beg on the streets, such was our fear psychosis. But it's all cool now. Like the famous film 3 Idiots message - the importance should not be given on marks, but on real knowledge, and on self knowledge. That should be what is important.