The many roles of a person

I was just wondering about the eternal question 'Who am I'? 'I' am defined by my many roles with respect to society and family. In that way I am a woman,a daughter, a wife, a mother, sister, cousin, a working woman, a neighbour, a boss, a subordinate, and so on. In each of these roles others will view me in a particular way which I am unable to perceive myself which may be very important in knowing myself. My child may view me as strict parent, my parents as a dutiful daughter , my boss as a pushover etc. When I reconcile all these viewpoints, then maybe I will be able to form a self image of myself, as I truly am. Moreover at a certain point in life I have to remove all these external impressions - the various roles in which society casts me and therefore I cast myself, to truly understand myself and my motivations. Another dilemma is whether I should act on my motivations? I may be motivated to fall in love with a handsome stranger but my role as a wife and mother holds me back and prevents me from doing so. So these roles may be important in certain ways but to what limit? In my role as a working woman I am often looked down upon in the office, as it is perceived I am not serious enough about my job- taking too many leaves etc, whereas the same problem is not faced by my colleagues. At home too, I am unable to join the gossip and kitty parties of my neighbours who are housewives and I am excluded from this group due to my exalted status as a 'working woman'. I feel to truly live one must explore all the senses to the fullest and try one's hand at different things and occupations, not be boxed in by what society says one must 'be' and 'do'. After all this may be the only life I have and so I need to make the most of it & live to the fullest without hurting anyone so that at the end of the day I can say that I know myself, if only partially.

1st Jan 2014

The first day of the new year went off well. Morning we went for a walk and met Mrs N of 404, and chatted with her for a while. Seems they are coming back from J as they prefer west to the east as she said. In the morning one pigeon got stuck in the balcony net which we had strung outside. S struggled with letting it out for a long time , till at last it flew off after loosing few of its feathers and getting a terrible scare in the process. I made friedrice and chilly paneer for lunch which was quite a change from usual dal rice and vegetables. Got calls from Sidda, dada in the evening. Its raining heavily in Ld and they are really fed up of the bad weather there. Its lovely sunshine here, the weather is really gorgeous. I feel like lazing in the sunshine the whole day long. In the evening we went to Kali temple to ask for divine blessings. We were just exiting the temple after puja when a man offered us prasad- laddos. I ate a whole one and S & Sh shared one. I was really pleased as I had not taken any sweets to the temple and received the prasad there itself. Evening Sona went off to her friends place for dinner to which she alone was invited & it relly annoyed me when I called at 10.30 and she told me that she had not had dinner even then. I told her sharply to come home, so she comes down 5 mins later saying she had some rice and chicken. S went to B Tut and got all the info on admissions- its all good or half of it is.